Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
