positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
