i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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