Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
