I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
