A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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