so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
