I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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