Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
