when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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