So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
