This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
