Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
