You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
