I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i think im in europe. pls send help
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
