Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
