I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
