i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
