I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
