White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fuck appropriateness.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
