ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
