At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
