i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
