I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
