because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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