just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
