we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
