even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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