i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i drank out of a bidet.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
