mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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