We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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