so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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