Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
