Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was born a porn star she said
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He passed out mid-signature
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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