she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
