I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
