I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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