1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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