I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
