I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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