The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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