does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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