I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
