Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
