life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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