right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
