mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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