But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
