i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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