That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
