i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
