Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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