I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
