Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
