At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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