I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
