Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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